Living apart from my soul
by MarinaAnderson
Summary: Blaine has spent the last six years in captivity, slowly losing his mind until is hard for him to remember his own name. But one day in his dark world a new individual appears - 5-years old Bobby who is also kidnapped. In his attempts to help the little boy, Blaine is starting to remember who he was and starts to desire to get his freedom, his life and his husband back.
1. Prologue: Day Zero

**PART ONE: Counting**

Prologue: _Day zero_

He woke up in the darkness. For a minute or two he just kept his eyes closed wondering _who_ he was. He didn't remember, but did it even have any matter at all? It didn't, he decided so instead he started wondering what day it was. Of course he didn't remember that either. Somehow he had stopped asking himself where he was or why he was here long ago, but he always wanted to know what day it was. He couldn't tell why that was so important though.

When he first came here he started to count the days but then somewhere after day 350 he lost the counting. He wanted to start again but it was so hard when he didn't see the sun anymore, when nothing at all happened in his life, when everything was always the same.

That thought shot his eyes open. Everything was _not _always the same, not today.

Just then he realized that what woke him up in a first place was a sound, _crying_. It was quiet and weak, and somehow it broke his- _well, that thing beating in his chest_, he couldn't remember its name right now.

Although his eyes were wide open he couldn't see a damn thing. For a moment he wondered why that is and then it hit him: _light;_ this is how they call it when you can see the objects around you, right? Before when he managed to actually remember something like that it used to give him a happy feeling in his chest. But recently he was just numb all the time. It was different today though – he wasn't feeling happy, no, but there was something else. _Curiosity._

His mind was working faster and he could hear the sobbing quite clear. Slowly he lifted himself from the ground and looked around the room. In a while he was able to distinguish the silhouette of a really small body curled up in a ball next to the wall, trembling.

It was a boy, little fragile boy, crying completely alone in the big dark room. He felt the urge to go and comfort him, to take the small body in his arms: in a _hug_, he remembered. He didn't want the boy to cry, but then he did, he wanted them both to cry together because for the first time in so long he was _feeling_ something. And, _hell_, he didn't want that to end.

Swaying, he made his way to the boy and slowly put his shaking hand on his shoulder.

The reaction was immediate – the boy just started screaming with all his voice, piercing the man's ears. Obviously the child hadn't been aware of the fact that there is another person in the room.

The man wanted to make him stop, to tell him there is nothing to be afraid of, to comfort him and to wipe the terrified tears from his little eyes. But he just couldn't find his voice, buried somewhere deep in his throat. He didn't even remember the last time he had used it. Finally he said quietly:

"Shh, it's okay, don't be afraid!" It wasn't as he expected to be, he thought he was going to hear a dead man's voice but he didn't. It was rough and his throat but there was softness in it. The boy heard it too and stopped screaming right away. Instead started to sob again tangling his hands around man's waist.

The feeling of the little boy in his hands made his own tears cry, made him finally feel again. Before he realized it he was quietly humming in his ear. It was amazing that he couldn't remember his own name but the words just came naturally from his mouth.

_"__I'm a get your heart racing__  
__In my hands on me__  
__In my skin-tight jeans skin-tight jeans__  
__Be your teenage dream tonight__  
__Let you put your __  
__Be your teenage dream tonight._"

As he sang he felt the by calming down in his hands.

"What is your name?" He whispered. The boy didn't answer at first then very quietly with a hesitance in his voice he said:

"B- Bobby. What's- what's yours?" '_I do not remember_' - he wanted to say but instead without even thinking_, instinctively _he answered:

"Blaine"

The boy finally lifted his head to look at him not that in the dark they could actually see each other's faces.

"Blaine?" His voice sounded stunned. "Like in the fairytales?"

"What fairytales?" Blaine asked softly.

"You know how in almost every fairytale the name of the prince is Blaine-" The fear had almost left Bobby's voice and that made Blaine's heart beat faster_: heart; _that was the word. He was finally happy for being able to comfort the boy.

"Really? I've never heard a single fairytale where the prince's name is Blaine."

"No way! My dad tells me one every night" Then suddenly the boy started crying again, heartbreaking sobs coming from his mouth. "I want to go back home, I want my Daddy-"

"Shh, please don't cry, please, you'll be home soon, I promise you! You'll see your dad soon" He was rocking the boy gently, knowing that he's giving promises he couldn't possibly keep. "Maybe you can tell me one of yours fairytales, can you?"

And just like that, holding Bobby and whispering soft words in his ear, he finally remembered. Who he was, why he was here, what he had lost in his life… But he couldn't know what day it was and somehow that was important for him. Maybe that was the moment to start counting again – now that something new was _finally_ happening in his life.

It was day zero from Bobby and Blaine friendship…

_._

**A/N: Hello! This is my first fic and I'm so excited for posting it. It's a big challenge for me not just because of that though, but the first thing I've ever written in English which is not my native language. So I feel obliged to apologize for any mistakes – I'm really really trying (I don't have a beta, at least not yet; if someone is interested, please feel free to write me).  
I know that first chapter might be a little confusing for you but let me make that clear – this is a Klaine fic and everything in it has something to do with Kurt and Blaine (although in the first few chapters Kurt won't appear, still he has a giant role in this story). I promise you, this is really interesting in my head so I hope you, guys, to stick with me.  
As I already said this is my first fic, so please if you read this, leave some review for me, I need to hear some opinions. It would mean the world for me!**

**Of course I do not own Glee or any of its characters! They belong to their respective owners. Also I don't own 'Teenage dream'.**

**Marina xxx**


	2. Chapter 1: Apart

Chapter One: _Apart_

The police officer, Ronald Buck, scratched the back of his bald head and glanced along the clock. It was almost three o'clock in the fucking morning. What a night! He had planned to go home, have some burgers with fries for dinner and watch the game, while his chubby wife keeps retelling the latest gossips she heard in the supermarket, something about their neighbor's new mistress. But instead he was stuck here in this absolutely ridiculous situation (of course he didn't say _ridiculous _in front of his colleagues, he didn't want them to think he was _insensitive_ or something; yet he couldn't help but wonder why those criminals couldn't kidnap children in reasonable hours).

The noise in the room was unbearable – everyone was crying. The little boy, David, who has witnessed the incident, was sobbing hard against his mother's chest. The mother was trembling herself, sharp whines escaping her throat. That made officer Buck crazy and he felt the urge to slap her, but as he had been informed she was this bigwig in FBI Ted Adams's sister. But the real terror for his aching head was the man, the father of the other boy, the one that had disappeared. He was absolutely hysterical, mumbling some nonsense and sobbing so loud that officer Buck couldn't hear his own thoughts. The other women, the brown-haired one, was holding him in her arms and slowly caressing his hair. She was the quietest of all, her tears just falling slowly across her face. She had said she wasn't the father's wife though, nor the disappeared kid's mother. And of course she wasn't – let's god kill him, if that man wasn't some king of disgusting queer.

Apart from that group, there was one more of his colleagues in the room, Murdock, who was trying to comfort the kid in order to finally finish the interrogation.

"It's okay, boy, everything's gonna be j'st fine. You j'st have to tell us what happened, so we can help your friend. That's all!" He was nice now just because he was talking to Ted Adam's nephew, officer Buck was sure of that. _Such a poser! _

The kid kept crying but he mother finally recollected herself and said:

"They- uhm- they had a s- sleepover at my house" She stammered "It was David birth- birthday yesterday, t-that's why. A- and then I- I was sleeping and- I heard noises s- so I went to s- see if everything is- if there was something wrong with the b- boys. And then- I don't- everything went black and- I think someone h- hit me. I woke up later b- by David's sc- screams and B- Bobby- Bobby was g-gone" Buck really couldn't understand why she was so upset. Her kid was fine, right?

"Were you alone with the kids?" Murdock asked, sympathy in his voice. Of course, it was _fake sympathy_, Buck thought. The woman nodded, her messy blond hair stuck on her face by the tears. "Where was your husband, Ms Adams?"

"I'm divorced; my husband left me while I was pregnant with David. Three months after that the police came in my apartment to search for him for a row of crimes. Haven't heard of him since" She had finally stopped stammering, her voice became cold and distant while she spoke about her ex-husband.

"Do you think he has something to do with the kidnapping?" She thought for a few moments, her eyes wide as if she hadn't considered that possibility until now. Then suddenly she nodded. "Who works on his case? We probably should transfer the last events' investigation to them"

"My brother, agent Ted Adams. I called him already, he's in Boston right now but he'll be here as soon as possible" Murdock sighed and with an absent 'Thank you, miss' turned his attention back to the boy.

"Come on, little boy, you have to tell us what has happened. We really want to help your friend" Murdock put a hand on David's shoulder. The kid picked up his gaze to meet his mother's eyes. She nodded, her face softer.

"I was thirsty and went to drink some water, and then I heard noise, and I thought it was Bobby or mamma, and I was just about to go back in my room, and then I saw this man, and he was wearing a mask, and I got really scared but I didn't scream because I remembered I'm already six, and he didn't saw me in the dark, and then mamma came out of her room but he hit her really hard, and it was so scary, and then he just- just grabbed Bobby from my room, and Bobby woke up and started screaming, and I wanted to do something because I'm six already and he's only five so I'm supposed to protect him, but I didn't do anything, and then he was just gone, and I couldn't hear Bobby screaming anymore, and it was all my fault!" The kid was speaking so fast, taking sharp breaths on every _and_. But at his last words, filled with so much guilt and devastation, the other's boy father raised his head and put his hand on David's back.

"Oh, David, oh, no, no, no, it wasn't your fault at all. You were so brave not to scream, otherwise the bad man would hurt you too and there would be no one to wake your mamma and to tell us what happened. And then there would be no chance to help Bobby at all" His voice high-pitched and trembling, but his words seemed to help as David started to calm dawn a bit.

The whole scene was so touching that it could move a dead man's heart, but of course not officer Buck's one. In his opinion children were unnecessary, noisy, little brags, so he wouldn't complain if someone took his. Thank god he didn't have any!

The realism from the father's eyes disappeared as fast as it had started and he went back to just sobbing in the brawn-haired women's chest (according to the file her name was Ms Anderson). Then he started mumbling loudly again:

"No, no, no, I can't, I just can't lose my Bobby. I already lost my husband; I cannot lose my little boy, not my Bobby B." _Husband. _So he was a queer, after all. How were such digesting people allowed to raise children, was beyond Buck. "God, why do I have to keep _living apart from my soul_?"

_Oh, let this nonsense finally finish_, officer Buck thought feeling again the urge to go back to his aimless existence, far away from all that drama.

* * *

Day one. Monday. It was such a great thing to finally be able to count again. Blaine didn't know how and why, but he needed that, he felt as his life finally had a purpose again.

During the restless sleep this night all his memories and thoughts had flown away, only two things remained in his head when he opened his eyes in _what he supposed was_ the morning. The one was his name; he did remember his name so clearly that he actually asked himself how he could ever forget it. The other was about the day – it was day one, it was Monday (that's how you call the first day, right?). He didn't know what comes next, but yet this didn't worry him, it was tomorrow's concern. And then it occurred to him that he hadn't thought about _tomorrow_ in so long.

Then the question came – why? What was different?

Well, for a start, there was a boy cuddling into his chest. He was sleeping, somehow peacefully, in his arms, his little head next to Blaine's heart.

Blaine found himself smiling – it was painful, his face muscles stretching widely for the first time in so long, but he couldn't help it. Somehow the very idea of finally having someone in the darkness, of finally not being completely alone, filled him with- with feelings. He slowly remembered the boy's name, Bobby, the details about their meeting last night were coming back to him.

He just stayed like that, quietly hugging the boy, caressing his cheek and stroking his hair. Bobby was so small in his hands, so fragile and Blaine felt the irresistible desire to protect him, to make safe and happy, to help him. It was different – feeling needed.

In his feverish dreams he had often dreamed about _someone_ else saving him. This _someone_ usually had blue eyes and pale skin, and such a tender smile. After every single of these dreams Blaine had woke up with guilt boiling in his guts. He was supposed to know this _someone_ but he couldn't remember his name, he couldn't remember where he had seen him. Blaine had one possession only – a beautiful, golden ring on his left index finger. He didn't know where he had it from but it meant everything to him. After such a dream he felt guilty for wearing the ring, as his skin was burning under it. He had never put it off though, because somewhere deep in himself he believed that if he could lose himself in the pain, he would be able to _remember_ – his _someone_, the reason he was there, the life that he supposed he had had before he came here.

The tears started falling upon his yet smiling face. He sunk back in his delirium, tightening his grip around the boy.

Somehow the words of this old forgotten song came back to his head right before he lost conscious:

_Living apart from my soul  
Holding in hand my beating heart._

_It is golden fall –  
Where the days go by  
While everything else die._

_Losing my breath,  
I keep searching why  
Is every step here a threat  
And why do birds always cry_?

_Over the endless sea of words  
I cannot see my dreams flying  
And it hurts._

_And where did love go_  
_even the silence doesn't know._

.

**A/N: Hello! Thank you so so much to all those of you that followed or reviewed the very beginning of this story! It meant the world for me.  
I planned for this chapter to include more things but then I really couldn't finish it as I wanted, so after delaying it for so long, I decided to upload it like this. I promise that the things will become quite clearer in the next few chapters. Although I'm sure this one already gave you some hints about who Bobby is, didn't it? I hope you to like that chapter as well and leave me a review!  
Also, I wanted to say that officer Buck is basically inspired by every single state employee in my country. :D**

**Glee and its characters belong to their respective owners.**

**Marina xxx**


	3. Chapter 2: Living

Chapter Two: _Living _

_Back in March 2016; NYC_

_Life couldn't be better, just couldn't. Later in those nights when Kurt couldn't make himself sleep, suffocated from the thoughts about everything that went wrong, he always thought that he should've known – he should've known that happiness cannot last forever, that soon or later bad things will start to happen._

_They got married on 19__th__ of December 2014. It wasn't some huge wedding. Sadly many of their friends wasn't able to do it to New York, but they couldn't get married in Ohio after all, it was still illegal there. However, the closest and most precious one were there and the moment could not be more perfect. _

_As husbands they rushed into life and everything was amazng. Kurt was just about to graduate from NYADA, while Blaine was supposed to have one more year there. Kurt had a few appearances on Broadway and although none of them was significant or made him rich or famous, it was enough for him to feel as he had accomplished one of his dreams. In the meantime his career in was going great. He developed his skills and started climbing in the chain. In 2016 he was already a deputy chief editor, Isabelle's right hand. He made great name in the fashion world as a designer. While working on Vogue he met Lilly Adams, who became his best friend apart from Rachel._

_In the same time Blaine was studying hard while rehearsing for his first role on Broadway – not just any role, but lead in West Side Story (well, playing Tony on Broadway stage, wouldn't be too different from playing it in the McKinley auditorium, would it?). The opening night was due in May and Blaine was about to do his breakthrough not even having turned 22. Meanwhile he was working as a singer in a very famous night club in Soho. The club owner, Alex, easily became one of his best friends. Accidentally, it turned out one of Alex's best friends was Blaine's first cousin, Marina. They haven't seen each other in years, but became very close in no time. Marina became a huge part of their lives, their only real family in New York. _

_Then Kurt's fiend, Lilly, had the best idea ever. Kurt and Blaine were both starting to want kids, but they haven't decided yet how to do it. Then Lilly offered them to use Marina as their surrogate and Kurt's genetics. And since Marina was Blaine's closest relative, their future child would have had both their blood running through its veins. Marina agreed and after a serious talk they both decided that the moment was perfect and they were ready for this step._

_They lived in the best city in the world, both had the jobs of their dreams, enough money to support a family and their marriage was flawless. And now they were going to be parents, real family. Life was amazing._

_Before everything went wrong._

* * *

And if Blaine was able to remember any of this as clear as Kurt was remembering it, then probably he would be able to help himself, to win back his desire for living.

* * *

"Blaine?"

He lifted his gaze to meet Bobby's eyes. He wished it wasn't so dark so he could see their color.

"For how long have you been here?" Bobby's voice was singsong. After two days of nervous breakdowns, hysterical crying and hours of screaming for help, the boy finally fell into a state of numbness, all the time just staring at the ceiling and mumbling some nonsense, obviously thinking that he's speaking to his father or to someone named David. This was the first time for hours when the boy appeared back on his senses, speaking directly to Blaine.

"What do you mean for how long?"

"Like- have you been here since you were my age or when you were bigger? Have you been here forever?"

"I- no, I haven't been here forever and I think I've been much older than you when I was brought here, I'm sure of it. I just don't remember. I have no idea how old I am, or how much time I have spend here. But I used to have a life outside this place, I- I did!" He was just trying to convince himself. Truth to be spoken he had wondered those same things many times. All those vague memories, flashbacks with voices and faces – were they real, or were they just pieces of his imagination; dreams, created by his twisted mind to deny the fact that he was no one, that outside of this room nobody knew him, nobody had ever heard of a person called Blaine.

"This is good. Maybe you haven't been here for so long after all, you just don't remember. I'm sure that my Daddy is doing everything he can to help me and he'll find me very soon. He's always promised me that nothing bad is gonna happen to me. And you should know that my Daddy is like the strongest, smartest person in the whole universe, so he'll find me and save me in no time. And also my best friend David is already six, he will help me, you'll see," Bobby's voice was so sweet with confidence that it cause Blaine to _almost made that weird sound people make when they are happy_, he couldn't remember how they called it.

Blaine was starting to feel real affection for that boy, and that was _something_ for him, considering the fact that two days ago he hadn't been sure if he can _feel_ at all. And he kind of wished… if the world was different for him; if he was gifted with some other kind of _living_… he wished there was a kid that could say such a thing about him – that he's the strongest, the smartest person in the whole universe. He wished there was a kid to call _him_ Daddy. He may had been forgetting his name all the time, but he would never ever forget that.

"Why are we here?" Bobby suddenly asked as this was some random question that had just occurred to him. His voice was so sweetly childish and it reminded Blaine how little and innocent, and fragile was Bobby and how wrong it was for him to be here. Suddenly Blaine felt like a really selfish person for feeling sorry only for himself when the one that actually deserved another living, the one that had done completely nothing to be here, was the boy. He should be home right now, with his loving father and his six-year old friend David, happy and safe. It wasn't _fair_ at all and it made Blaine so angry.

"Blaine? Are you listening to me?" Those words not only pulled Blaine back from his thoughts, but actually made him _do that noise_, made him _laugh _(he can remember the word now). The words itself and also the annoyed, almost bitchy tone they were spoken with, were so familiar to him, sounded so naturally in his ears and so _domestic_.

"Sure, I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"I asked why we are here? Like what's the reason? There has to be some reason to keep us. And where exactly are they keeping us? What's that place?" Blaine was feeling as he was the five years old. Bobby was asking all these questions and right now they did seem logical but Blaine had quit thinking about them long time ago. There had been a time when he used to struggle, he used to wish to remember things, he used to at least ask himself questions. But not anymore. He couldn't recall the exact moment he stopped doing those things, but apparently he had given up eventually. He had stopped _living_ and started his pathetic attempts of counting the endless hours of his existence here.

"I- I'm not sure about that either. This is some kind of a huge house, like- like a _mansion_. I think it used to be really rich house, because this is only the basement and what's left from the furniture seem to be really expensive. I know there is not much- not much _light_, but if you look around carefully you can see there is a coffee table in that corner and a huge cupboard with showcase over there. They look old and, half of the glasses are broken but it's obvious that this used to be a really fancy place" For a moment Blaine felt as he was a random host, touring a guest of his around his home. After all, this place was everything Blaine remembered; in some twisted way it was indeed his home. Still when he thought of the word home, in his head he had the picture of _a cozy, filled with light apartment with warm brawn curtains and matching carpets. Big French windows looking towards a busy street and really comfortable couch, big enough for at least two people to cuddle on it. When you walk into this home of yours after terribly long evening at work you find someone sleeping on it, dreamy expression on his pale features. His eyes are closed but you're sure that they are blue underneath his eyelids. You smile fondly at him and go to wake him up and help him to move to the bedroom._

"This people that occasionally some and bring some food and stuff – they've been the same people for as long as I remember, but yet I've never exchanged a single word with them. At the beginning I used to ask them and beg them to set me free, to demand explanations from them," Somehow speaking with Bobby made Blaine's mind brighter, his memory a lot better. With every word spoken, it became clearer and clearer. "Not anymore though," he smiled sadly.

"Why not? Don't you want to break free?"

The question made Blaine freeze. _Did he want to break free? Where would he go, if he wasn't here? _His logical mind was telling him that there was nothing for him outside, that this place was the only home, the only _living_ he could ever have. But somewhere deep in his head lived this _idea_, this _dream_ of _coming home to a cozy apartment, where soft smile and glaze eyes are waiting to meet him._

"I don't know" he answered and he was honest.

"How can you ever escape this, if you don't fight, if you don't desire to be out of here, Blaine?" Bobby's voice was so mature and sounded somewhat accusatory, but Blaine couldn't bring himself to feel guilt. This is how it was and he wasn't able to change it. "Do you really want to be here forever?Don't you want some other kind of _living_?"

Blaine didn't answer, but deep inside his soul he decided that after all he did wanted that, he wanted some other kind of _living, in a world where someone is waiting for him._

.

**A/N: Well, hello again!  
I owe you a huge apology for the delay. I am so sorry! I don't really have an excuse, you know how life can get. First, it was one thing, then another, and then I promised that I will go back to writing from next Monday and the Monday after that and so on...  
However, I'm ambitious to finish this story and I hope you to stick with me. Brace yourselves, because it is just starting.**

**I would be eternally grateful to hear your opinion on this chapter!  
Thank you for your attention!  
I don't own Glee or its characters. They belong to their respective owners.  
**

**Marina xxx **


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